Like most people who read this website, I am a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals. But I am also a fan of baseball, and when the MLB postseason hits, that still matters to me independent of the presence or absence of my favorite baseball team.

But despite the lack of Cardinals, I do still want to have rooting interests. My passions won’t be as aggressive, certainly, but it is only natural to root for specific guys and specific towns and just think baseball is really cool and fun. Here is how I am ranking the teams from most to least likable.

#12: Atlanta Braves–The Atlanta Braves have a roster that, other than Marcell Ozuna, ranges from Cool Guys (Ronald Acuña Jr., Spencer Strider) to Fine Guys (Matt Olson, Austin Riley). I’m not even opposed to the fact that they enter the postseason as favorites–they would deserve a title. It’s just…look, I know there’s a lot of crossover between Cardinals and Kansas City Chiefs fans, so I’m sorry, but I am absolutely not rooting for a team that does the Tomahawk Chop in The Year Of Our Lord Twenty Twenty Three. Find a new thing to do at games–I’d prefer that thing wasn’t yelling at randos on social media about how they’re idiots if they think should be Mookie Betts should be MVP, but I guess it’s an improvement.

#11: Houston Astros–Remember last year when we were starting to finally come to terms with the Astros, how most of the guys who cheated in their 2017 World Series run are gone and it would be really cool to see Dusty Baker, the living embodiment of a Vibes Guy baseball manager, get a ring, and then Dusty Baker said he looked to his good friend Bill Cosby for inspiration? The Houston Astros simply refuse to be likable. I fully expect Kyle Tucker, who might be the good MLB player about which I feel the least in the entire sport, to hit somebody with a chair this October just to drive home the point that the Astros are going to perpetually annoy you.

#10: Texas Rangers–They have some old friends in Jordan Montgomery, Chris Stratton, and most notably Adolis García (though his presence risks becoming toxic when every armchair GM pretends they cared when the Cardinals gave him away, as though his stock wasn’t so low that even the Rangers waived him). They have Max Scherzer, whose St. Louis-ness and Mizzou-ness is nice but whom I truly enjoy because he just seems like a generally cool guy. It’s nice when teams win their first title. But it’s also not nice when teams extort public financing to build a large metal barn when they have a perfectly good stadium already, when teams are conspicuously absent from the list of MLB teams with a Pride Night(s), and when teams voluntarily acquire Aroldis Chapman.

#9: Los Angeles Dodgers–Do I want to give them credit for Trevor Bauer and Julio Urías, or do I want to hate the team that employed them in the first place? I can see the argument either way, but the idea of rooting for them still feels a bit gross. I may move them up if I see Lance Lynn pitch, but otherwise, this is a roster of guys I mostly think are fine but for which I have no particular love. Though it would be cool to see Jason Heyward finally get a World Series ring–what a true shame the former Cardinals great has never managed to be on a World Series winning team. Unbelievable, really.

#8: Philadelphia Phillies–Man, last playoff run was exhausting. Phillies-mania got so out of control that fans went so far as to pretend Bryce Harper is fun. I think I may have officially reached the saturation point on the whole thing where sports fans on social media cosplay as Philadelphia fans–I don’t want to necessarily hate on them for their unruliness and capacity for booing, but I also don’t know that I want to glorify throwing batteries at J.D. Drew because you probably shouldn’t throw batteries at J.D. Drew. That said, adding Trea Turner did wonders for making the on-field team more fun than just the opportunities to watch Kyle Schwarber try.

#7: Tampa Bay Rays–Unlike with the Dodgers, I can’t really put too much reasonable blame on the Rays for the Wander Franco situation, but it will also be unavoidable to think about. The team is young and exciting, but if you are one to try to find ways the postseason could impact how the Cardinals front office sees itself, you can’t get much worse than the extremely cost-averse Rays going on a deep run. Also, look, yes Randy Arozarena is good, we don’t have to go through an existential crisis every time he hits a single that drops in front of the center fielder.

#6: Milwaukee Brewers–Look, I’m going to root for the Brewers–my wife and her extended family are all from there and I think it’s a cool city and seeing a team win its first title (and the city’s first World Series since 1957) would be sick. But also, I get why a Cardinals fan is disinclined to root for the team that embarrassed the Cardinals in the race for the 2023 National League Central title. And objectively, while this team is perfectly likable, they mostly aren’t super fun: of their ten most used batters in 2023, only two were above-average at the plate, and one of them is a diminished version of Christian Yelich that isn’t the disaster he was a couple years ago but still feels a bit underwhelming. Also, they didn’t have to bring back Josh Donaldson to baseball.

#5: Miami Marlins–Mostly I just want to see how Miami comes together for a good baseball team at an actual baseball stadium, a thing which is hardly guaranteed but would be a fascinating sociological experiment. On the field, they have Luis Arraez, my favorite type of aesthetic player (guy who just hits the ball everywhere and never strikes out), and Jesús Luzardo, a pitcher I always liked when he was coming up with Oakland, as their surprising 2023 ace. That said, the rest of the pitching staff gives me pause, whether it is yet another round of Sandy Alcantara discourse or just being reminded that Johnny Cueto still pitches in Major League Baseball.

#4: Toronto Blue Jays–I have never really wrapped my head around the fact that the Blue Jays are just like straight up Canada’s team. People in Vancouver, a 40 hour drive from Toronto and a 3 hour drive from Seattle, generally root for the Blue Jays. That’s so cool. They also have a bunch of fun, young players and two recent old friends in Génesis Cabrera and Jordan Hicks. The only thing working against them is it is so fun to watch Canadians get mad when their team loses. If they lose in agonizing fashion, you are going to hear so much about how they don’t have school shootings and do have free health care up there. Yeah, man, that’s true. Those are good things. Let America have this one.

#3: Minnesota Twins–I don’t really know how fans from the 1980s feel about the Minnesota Twins. I, frankly, feel no particular way about them in general. Mostly, I want to see the Twins win a playoff game–eighteen straight postseason losses is just cruelty at this point. Twin Cities sports are underratedly snakebitten at this point: not only is Minnesota’s 1991 World Series title the metro’s last title, it’s their last appearance in the championship round. As far as the players, I can’t say their roster necessarily excites me, though every team deserves a Fast Center Fielder Who Can Barely Hit and Michael A. Taylor fills that role about as well as anybody (though his 94 OPS+ is the second-highest of his career).

#2: Arizona Diamondbacks–They’re a team with a bunch of fast guys, which may not be optimal for winning but is optimal for entertainment. Corbin Carroll is quickly ascending my list of favorite non-Cardinals, and on the other end of the age spectrum, seeing Evan Longoria get a ring would be a lot of fun. Considering what a non-prospect he was and considering how much more Alcantara discoursing makes sense, I’m not even that annoyed by Zac Gallen complaints from the Cardinals (okay I’m a little annoyed by it). The one thing keeping them from first place for me is that they’ve won a title in my living memory. It was hardly recent, but I think this counts for something.

#1: Baltimore Orioles–I get to root for Jack Flaherty? And a young, ascending team? And a team whose best player is just kind of an I Think You Should Leave nerd who switch-hit during the Home Run Derby? I haven’t quite gotten used to the Baltimore Orioles being good, but I’m into it. The Baltimore Orioles haven’t won a World Series title in my lifetime. My hope is that this year will be the first.