Hello, all. This is a post with a target audience of a handful of my friends, though because I am posting it on S T L Bullpen dot com, it is accessible to a bunch of other people. That’s fine, though–I’m not posting social security numbers or anything. I’m not gonna tweet out a link to the post or anything or put it on the front page, but it’s not encrypted or anything. Consider this a treat to my close friends, by which I mean those who are on Bullpen’s e-mail list. I love you all.

Also, this is baseball-adjacent, kind of, in that it’s about sports and it’s from the perspective of a St. Louisan. In fact, if you’re a St. Louisan, traveling out of town for an NBA game makes more sense than any other sport–you can consume the Cardinals, Blues, St. Louis City, and the BattleHawks downtown and you can attend NBA games without the intense shame of giving money to the National Football League (note: the NBA’s reputation among a certain class of American liberal as The Good League is only partially correct–it’s a league with a ton of flaws though not as egregious as the other leagues but let’s not pretend you should be enthusiastic about giving money to NBA owners…look, I voted for Hillary Clinton, I have no qualms about choosing what I consider less-bad options). So I rated the prospective trips an NBA fan in St. Louis could take–some of the criteria remains the same! I scored four criteria on a 1-to-5 scale and ranked according to that, with ties being broken by my own random subjective factors. Here are the criteria:

• Arena/City: This is basically just how cool the city is. Bonus points if the arena is located near the heart of the city. I largely don’t care about arena coolness (this is different for baseball stadiums) as they are largely the same, but whatever you consider that incorporates to this as well. To be clear, every city with an NBA team is cool, but some are cooler than others.
• Accessibility: Is it easy to get to the city? Is it easy to travel while within the city? Are you gonna blow all your spending money on an Uber to the heart of the city?
• Team Quality: More than any other sport, the NBA is driven by stars. Will you get to see some cool players? Will you get to see some good teams?
• Weather: The heart of the NBA regular season is in the winter, where the variance in weather among cities can be quite pronounced. Some cities get fives that I’d hate to visit in the summer and vice versa for ones that I’d love in July. But you wouldn’t be going in July, would you?

Here’s the list. I will be answering no questions about this list, but if you would like to silently stew about how stupid and wrong I am, that’s fine, I deserve it.

#30: Utah Jazz

Arena/City: 2. I’ve heard Salt Lake City is beautiful, but in terms of interesting historical places and especially in terms of nightlife, it’s clearly lacking. To be clear, I’m not trying to act like SLC is in a dry county or anything, but someone has to be last.

Accessibility: 2. I am a Southwest Airlines loyalist and this is one of three NBA cities without direct flights to it, so that’s a big drag for me. That said, they have shockingly decent rapid transit and the airport is like right by the arena.

Team Quality: 1. Just a complete dearth of stars here. I think they could actually be set up to do well down the road so this could change, but I can’t pretend Collin Sexton or Walker Kessler are exactly moving the needle here.

Weather: 2. Not as bad as you might think! But, I mean, you’re still in the Rocky Mountains in the Winter. Let’s be serious here.

#29: Detroit Pistons

Arena/City: 4. Many of the cool things in Detroit are within at least a cheap Uber ride of Little Caesars Arena. I wouldn’t say it has truly premier sights, but it has the influence of Canadian culture and quite a few good microbreweries plentifully on tap. Also, Detroit-style pizza whips.

Accessibility: 2. You know how it’s called Motor City? Well, that means you’re pretty much going to need a car or to be confined to a small area. That said, while Detroit is extremely spread out and the suburbs are…fine…worrying about them would be like going to St. Louis and regretting not going to Chesterfield. It’s fine. You’ll be fine.

Team Quality: 1. Cade Cunningham seems fun to watch, but that’s about it. This team stinks.

Weather: 1. My opinions of Detroit are probably influenced by me having only been there during the winter months. So while it makes my view of its weather biased, it also makes it, as far as winter months are concerned, precisely correct.

#28: Charlotte Hornets

Arena/City: 2. It’s one of the less enticing cities and the arena isn’t really near the heart of culture. It’s pretty close to the NASCAR Hall of Fame, though. That seems cool.

Accessibility: 2. If Charlotte were closer to St. Louis and you could drive a car around, that would be one thing. But renting a car in Charlotte just doesn’t quite feel worth the extra effort.

Team Quality: 3. This might be a bit of a hot take, but I think this team could be a lot of fun! LaMelo Ball is already a star and you could get step-ups from “Let’s Go” Brandon Miller and Mark Williams. I’d considered giving them a 4 but then you also have to watch Miles Bridges.

Weather: 3. Not as warm as you might think, but unqualified superiority to St. Louis means it can’t be lower than a 3.

#27: Portland Trail Blazers

Arena/City: 3. The inherent problem with visiting a hipster city like Portland is that it’s a city that would be great to live in, but for a weekend? I mean, you’ll have a good time, but if it’s your first time somewhere, you kind of want to see cool things. Like, if you live in New York, you aren’t going to make it a point to regularly see the Statue of Liberty, but you’re obviously gonna go once. That said, good town for drinking of beers or coffees.

Accessibility: 2. No direct flights via Southwest to a city that’s already super far away. Also, the cool parts of town aren’t exactly around the arena. But they do have a good rapid transit system so that keeps them from a 1.

Team Quality: 2. They are not a good team but they have interesting young players. Scoot Henderson or Donovan Clingan could be meaningful check boxes years from now.

Weather: 3. The good thing about the West Coast is you avoid huge snowfall for the most part. The bad thing about the Pacific Northwest is it’s never exactly luxurious warmth and it rains a whole bunch.

#26: Minnesota Timberwolves

Arena/City: 3. Seems like a fun town but it’s also pretty spread out. I’ve never lived in a metro area with multiple major cities and I find the whole thing confusing.

Accessibility: 3. Good public transit and plentiful flights into town, though in the case of public transit, the weather kind of bleeds into this here. You might be stuck waiting for a perfectly convenient and warm train in like 15 degree weather.

Team Quality: 4. This would probably be a 5 in the book of all of the Anthony Edwards-pilled folks in media, but I merely have him as a very fun player. Also, a chance to see Rudy Gobert and Karl-Anthony Towns. Those are three, like, guys who will get mentioned in Hall of Fame discussions in all likelihood.

Weather: 1. That said, going to a Twins game sounds lovely.

#25: Chicago Bulls

Arena/City: 4. Chicago is the kind of city that a simple country lawyer like myself would call a great world city, even if people from New York and LA would be weird pedants about it. But this is a case where weather bleeds into this because a lot of the cooler things in Chicago are, like, large public parks and Navy Pier and stuff where you absolutely are better off going in the Spring or Summer.

Accessibility: 4. Extremely drivable from St. Louis, though given the unpleasantness of Chicago traffic, taking the new high-speed train is arguably the best bet. While in the city, you can take the L train most places. It only gets knocked down a point here because United Center is weirdly inaccessible from the L. Like, it’s one trip, but that’s also a weird thing you have to note.

Team Quality: 2. Much like Kendrick, I’m glad D-Roz came to (actual) home, even if it makes the Bulls less fun, but Zach Lavine is still enjoyable. Josh Giddey is also a fun player to watch if you don’t care about who wins the game (that guy runs around sooooo much).

Weather: 1. There isn’t enough Malort in the world to numb you to the brutal cold of an upper Midwest winter.

#24: Cleveland Cavaliers

Arena/City: 3. The arena is kind of where you want to be in the Cleveland area–it’s right by Lake Erie, in close proximity to a bunch of quality microbreweries, and the ultra-touristy but still obligatory Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is right there too. Beyond a three or four day window, this might seem lesser, but for a few days, it could be a lot of fun.

Accessibility: 3. Probably on the longer end of drivability but it gets some credit for it at least being an option. And as long as you aren’t being super widespread in what you want to see, the RTA Line should get you where you want to go.

Team Quality: 4. Donovan Mitchell is probably on the lower end of eye-popping for top stars on teams I’d be willing to give a four, but this is just an all-around kind of team to watch. Evan Mobley might not be must-see, but I certainly wouldn’t oppose seeing him.

Weather: 1. See Chicago, but with Great Lakes Brewing beer instead of Malort.

#23: Toronto Raptors

Arena/City: 5. Look, it’s the biggest city of a whole country, it’s going to have a ton of cool culture. And the Air Canada Centre is right in the heart of everything. The Hockey Hall of Fame is like literally across the street from it. Also, Molson is underrated.

Accessibility: 3. On the downside, the flight there–flying international is a whole unique headache relative to domestic flight. On the upside, it’s a country with an actual safety net so the public transit is very good.

Team Quality: 1. Hope you like Scottie Barnes! This was probably a 1 even when they still had Pascal Siakam but at this point, I can’t imagine the actual team being much of a draw.

Weather: 2. Yes, it’s in Canada, but it’s in really far south Canada. So it’s not awful and it doesn’t snow a lot. But a tropic getaway, it most certainly is not.

#22: Sacramento Kings

Arena/City: 3. Despite the whole cow-town aesthetic they’ve tried to play up, Sacramento is a super diverse city with decent food and drink options. As far as sights, there’s the state capitol building and, like, I guess you could check out where Lady Bird was filmed.

Accessibility: 2. For a left-leaning city that is the capital of a left-leaning state, you really would think they’d have decent transit. You really would think that.

Team Quality: 3. There are no truly exceptional stars, but plenty of pretty cool guys. DeAaron Fox, DeMar DeRozan, Domantas Sabonis, probably some other guys whose names start with an S. Light the beam or whatever.

Weather: 4. Being inland in California, it doesn’t quite have the Pacific warmth one might expect from the state, or the sheer climate control of the San Francisco Bay Area, but it’s most certainly a reprieve from a truly cold winter.

#21: Washington Wizards

Arena/City: 4. In theory this should be a five, with all of the neat historical stuff around the area, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m not sure how good the vibes are going to be in D.C. around inauguration day or a month or two before or after it.

Accessibility: 5. Plenty of direct flights, lots of train access including to nearby cities like Baltimore or Arlington, this is a huge selling point for a trip to the District in general.

Team Quality: 1. The biggest selling point here is the #2 overall pick that nobody was all that excited about. Catch Wizards fever!

Weather: 2. Pretty analogous to St. Louis at this time of the year. It simply is what it is.

#20: Houston Rockets

Arena/City: 3. Did you know that, statistically, Houston is the most diverse city in the country? Like, you can get a good version of pretty much whatever cuisine you want. Houston doesn’t really have a standout tourist spot but that’s true of a lot of cities with such a modern feel.

Accessibility: 3. So the local trains are pretty good and taxis in the downtown area have flat rates, so as long as your plan revolves around staying in the heart of Houston, you should be pretty good. That said, if you want to get the true Houston experience of an enormous diesel truck while living in the exurbs but commuting to your job at like a tech consulting firm, you’re kind of out of luck as a visitor.

Team Quality: 2. Not a lot of big names, but an okay sampler platter of interesting young players in case Fred VanVleet doesn’t do much for you.

Weather: 4. Contrary to popular belief, Texas isn’t hot year-round. Granted, it’s hotter year-round, but you could easily wind up with a muggy 40s-50s day that, if you’re from an actual cold-weather place, will probably feel pretty good.

#19: Atlanta Hawks

Arena/City: 4. Atlanta is a bit of a traffic city, but for the sake of a weekend, you can mostly avoid it. Head downtown and hang out amidst the many bars and restaurants within close proximity of the arena. Despite being a much worse team, the gap between the Atlanta Hawks and the Atlanta Braves in terms of trips is pretty pronounced.

Accessibility: 4. It’s the busiest airport in the country, so there will be no shortage of flight opportunities, and once you get downtown, you will have access to a rare strong southern mass transit system. Also, if you don’t feel like flying, it’s a long-but-deceptively palatable drive–at 8 hours and 46 minutes from Enterprise Center, the future home of the St. Louis Spirits, to State Farm Arena, it’s nearly an hour shorter of a drive than New Orleans.

Team Quality: 2. Now that the insane Dejounte Murray experiment is over, you at least can watch Trae Young do his Modern Iverson (derogatory) and maybe see if Zaccharie Risacher can live up to the hype (that he’s not that good of a number one pick but, like, Kenyon Martin was still a GOOD player in the NBA).

Weather: 3. A little like Charlotte, it’s not amazing–the relatively short drive is also reflective of how far north in Georgia it is–but it’s a clear upgrade from True Winter.

#18: Orlando Magic

Arena/City: 3. It’s not a great city in terms of culture, but the area surrounding the arena is particularly solid, and even if one is not a Disney Adult (I am not a Disney Adult), having the option to spend like a day there on a trip isn’t exactly a negative.

Accessibility: 2. Presumably because it’s too woke, the transit in Orlando sucks, but the Disney proximity means plenty of flights, and like I said, when you’re downtown, you don’t need to move around too terribly far. Cheap Ubers will do the trick.

Team Quality: 3. Think what I said about the Houston Rockets but elevated. Paolo Banchero and Franz Wagner aren’t superstars but they’re good players and they’re fun to watch. And it’s an all-out solid roster.

Weather: 5. Look, it’s Florida in Winter, what do you want me to tell you?

#17: Dallas Mavericks

Arena/City: 3. Unlike a trip for the Rangers or Cowboys, you’re at least right in the middle of Dallas, which may not be considered a highlight of culture but it’s a major city, after all. Also, it’s like right by Dealey Plaza. You might see Kyrie there.

Accessibility: 2. The south really isn’t into public transportation. It’s theoretically drivable (9:38) but I wouldn’t want to drive for a few days after completing that trip. That said, the inter-city transit is competent, so you could still swing by Fort Worth or Arlington or whatever if you really just wanted to say that you did.

Team Quality: 4. Luka Doncic is the obvious headliner, and while I think he’s a great player, I just don’t really enjoy watching him play. Purely aesthetic preferences. That said, getting the chance to hear Luka Doncic yell at an official about how his opponent pulled out a musket and stabbed him to death with my own two ears is a nice perk.

Weather: 4. Contrary to popular belief, Texas isn’t hot year-round. Granted, it’s hotter year-round, but you could easily wind up with a muggy 40s-50s day that, if you’re from an actual cold-weather place, will probably feel pretty good. Do those words seem familiar? Well, it’s literally what I said about Houston, but also it’s slightly further north so take of that what you will.

#16: Milwaukee Bucks

Arena/City: 4. When I say that some cities are awesome for a weekend and that if you can’t enjoy yourself you’re a lame, I mean Milwaukee. This place is overflowing with bars and bratwursts and cheese curds. The area immediately around Fiserv is a bit Ballpark Village-y, but would be fun for game day.

Accessibility: 3. It’s very drivable, clocking in at five hours and 27 minutes, but it’s simply too bereft of transit options to be any higher. Milwaukee is very much a driving city, so make sure one person in your group stays relatively sober (Wisconsin has comically lax impaired driving laws, so I’m saying be careful for your own sake, not for fear of repercussions), because everything is a little spread out.

Team Quality: 5. You have one first-ballot Hall of Famer in Giannis Antetokounmpo and one of the most watchable players in modern NBA history in Damian Lillard. The rest of the team is fine but these two guys alone put it at a five–this is “tell your grandkids about watching them” kind of territory.

Weather: 1. The one caveat I will give is that Milwaukee has A-plus snow removal infrastructure, so driving won’t be as unpleasant as it might seem. That said, the last time I was in Milwaukee on an NBA game day, the temperature began with a minus sign.

#15: Denver Nuggets

Arena/City: 3. Lots of cool breweries in the city, but slightly far from the arena itself! Also gets docked a full point because it means you’re giving money to Stan Kroenke. I don’t know where else to dock the point so I did it here.

Accessibility: 3. The airport is famously far away from the city (it is also famously Illuminati) but they do have a direct and quick train line into the city, so there is that. It’s not elite transit game but it will at least keep you from having insanely pricey Uber bills. Also, at an over twelve hour drive, it’s probably the most deceptively far away city there is from St. Louis. No wonder Stan wanted to buy teams there.

Team Quality: 5. Nikola Jokic alone is a five, though the presence of Mizzou’s “former” “”star”” Michael Porter Jr. is a nice touch as well.

Weather: 2. It’s in the mountains, it’s cold, but it’s less snowy than you would expect consider this team shares an arena with a team called the Avalanche.

#14: Brooklyn Nets

Arena/City: 5. I’ve never been inside Barclays Center, but I’ve been outside of it and let me just say, it looks dope. Also, you’re in NEW YORK CITY. Brooklyn is arguably the best borough in which to stay–it feels like a major city but isn’t going to cause the headaches of Times Square et cetera. You can get so many freakin’ New York slices there!

Accessibility: 5. The New York City Subway gets a lot of hype. It’s better than you think it is. Take a cab from the airport to the hotel, buy a pass when you get to the first subway station you see, and never even think about taking a car the rest of the trip until you’re ready to leave.

Team Quality: 1. Now here’s where Brooklyn gets its comeuppance. This team stinks. That said, you could get into Barclays cheaper in the Durant-Irving-Harden era than you could to see the sorry Knicks, so I assume you can buy front row season tickets for like fifty bucks. I saw more Knicks gear than Nets gear when I went to a bar from which I could literally see the arena. Move them back to Jersey.

Weather: 2. The good thing about a subway is that you’re underground so traveling won’t be that cold, but it’s still the northeast in winter. It won’t be your favorite.

#13: Indiana Pacers

Arena/City: 3. Indianapolis may not be a high-end NBA city, but it is a high-end NBA arena, with Gainbridge Fieldhouse more reminiscent of an old-fashioned basketbarn than one of the modern cookie-cutter arenas. And Downtown Indy has fun bars, but they are admittedly not that much different than what you’ll find in any major city.

Accessibility: 5. It’s a sub-4 hour drive and the lack of direct flights mean it’s actually the only city on this list that’s quicker to drive to than to fly to. Also, if you stay in the downtown area, you can get away with walking if you can handle the cold (more on that later).

Team Quality: 4. I don’t think Tyrese Haliburton has reached out-and-out superstar level yet, but he’s super fun to watch. This is a team loaded with guys I enjoy watching, like Myles Turner and Andrew Nembhard.

Weather: 2. It’s basically St. Louis weather-wise. For better or worse.

#12: San Antonio Spurs

Arena/City: 3. San Antonio probably has more variance around its 3 than most of its contemporaries in this ranking. It has a legitimate must-see monument in the Alamo and being informed so strongly by Mexican and Texan culture also makes it interesting cuisine-wise. That said, it’s not exactly a city that’s loaded with things in the way many other NBA cities are.

Accessibility: 1. A bit of a yikes from a St. Louis perspective–it’s too far away to reasonably drive but it’s also quite difficult to operate without a car.

Team Quality: 5. San Antonio presents a rare opportunity to see a legend of the sport, Chris Paul, and a player who is probably going to win a few MVPs as, like, a median projection for his career in Victor Wembanyama. Two legitimate superstars, even if the rest of the team hasn’t quite caught up yet.

Weather: 5. Dallas and Houston are near-great weather cities because they just don’t quite feel as Texas during the Winter months as you might think. San Antonio is a step up from that.

#11: Phoenix Suns

Arena/City: 3. Phoenix has a ton of sprawl, but the basketball arena is in about as good of a location as one could reasonably ask. Also, depending on what specific time of year you go, you might be able to catch some Spring Training games.

Accessibility: 1. Transit is a little better than in the aforementioned San Antonio, but it’s also more spread out. It’s a pretty rough time.

Team Quality: 5. By the “will you see stars?” standard, you sure will! Devin Booker is on the rise, Bradley Beal provides the St. Louis angle, and Kevin Durant is either the second or third most historically significant player still in the Association.

Weather: 5. Going to Arizona in the middle of summer seems like a fate worse than death. Being there in the Winter? You know, I could probably go for that.

#10: Los Angeles Clippers

Arena/City: 3. Hey, brand new arena! The new spot should probably have more life to it than Crypto.com Arena does for Clippers games, though the Inglewood area itself does seem to be heavily corporate. But, hey, access to all the standard LA things!

Accessibility: 3. Los Angeles is certainly a car town if you’re a resident, but between the relatively short distance between LAX and Inglewood and the relatively sprawling network of commuter trains, different spots can be reached without needing to rent a car or spend a fortune.

Team Quality: 4. In theory, the presence of Kawhi Leonard and James Harden should make them a contender for a five, but while Kawhi is a great player, he isn’t necessarily somebody with awe-inspiring skill (perimeter defense just doesn’t play quite as well in highlight reels), and while James Harden at his peak was a bit more of an attraction, he’s also firmly in his later years physically–not to mention that Leonard especially is a huge risk to be injured at any given point. And also the rest of the team stinks.

Weather: 5. “They say it nevvvvvvver rains in Southern California…”

#9: Oklahoma City Thunder

Arena/City: 3. Oklahoma City might have the most boring reputation in the NBA, but the good news here for its case is that the arena is located right in the heart of the city. Bricktown, the central bar district of the city, is well set-up for a long weekend, even if the city, outside of maybe the Murrah Federal Building monument, isn’t necessarily equipped for sightseeing.

Accessibility: 4. It’s a distinctly car city, but it’s also drivable (if on the higher end from St. Louis) and doesn’t require a ton of commuting.

Team Quality: 5. They may not have a guy who will sail into the Hall of Fame right now, but that’s only because they’re so young. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, who is well on his way to the Hall of Fame based on results so far, is one of the most entertaining players in the sport, while the likes of Chet Holmgren and Jalen Williams infuse a roster that should probably be favorites in the West this year.

Weather: 3. The lows don’t get as low as St. Louis, but it’s also not like you should be expecting to wear shorts to an Oklahoma City Thunder home game.

#8: Philadelphia 76ers

Arena/City: 4. A little bit of historic sightseeing, a little bit of urban culture, and an arena that is in the heart of downtown, though the city’s stadium district is arguably a little bit corporate. But still, no pronounced negatives and just a general nice city all-around.

Accessibility: 4. Philly actually has a pretty good light rail system–it just doesn’t go by the stadium itself. So it has to get knocked down a point. But if you’re only going for one game, this isn’t a deal-breaker by any means.

Team Quality: 5. They have the defending MVP and arguably, along with Tyrese Maxey and Paul George, the best big three in the league. I don’t think Philly is #1 in this regard, but they absolutely belong in the top tier.

Weather: 2. Anything complimentary to say about Philadelphia’s NBA season weather is all relative to different NBA cities that are worse. It’s not a real compliment.

#7: Boston Celtics

Arena/City: 4. The location of the arena is slightly off the beaten path, but Boston has a ton to do, is probably a top-three American city in terms of historical significance (New York and Washington and Boston I think are the top three, even if Boston is probably the J. Cole here)

Accessibility: 5. New York is its own tier when it comes to transit, but Boston might be #2, even if some notable local sites go slightly beyond its purview. You can access it from the airport, it can take you to the arena, and all that good stuff.

Team Quality: 5. I don’t even love watching this team, but they’re the defending champions of both the regular season and the playoffs, unless this is the 1999 Bulls, this is an automatic five.

Weather: 1. I have only been to Boston once, I was there during the first game of the NBA season, and it already didn’t feel great outside.

#6: Miami Heat

Arena/City: 4. There’s a reason everyone got mad about the phrase “Taking my talents to South Beach”–it just exudes a high-end cultural glow that Cleveland does not. Great ocean views, a unique city with its Cuban influence, it may fall somewhat short of the truly premier American cities but it’s really good!

Accessibility: 2. The thing about Miami is that it has a lot of rich people and it has a lot of poor people, and rich people like having expensive cars and not funding transportation that poor people might like to use.

Team Quality: 4. I can’t fully explain why, but I do think Jimmy Butler and Bam Adebayo fall slightly outside the superstar threshold that could put these guys at a five. But they are certainly still players you could mention seeing and get some interesting looks.

Weather: 5. This is basically the opposite entry of Boston in every way.

#5: New York Knicks

Arena/City: 5. Most of what I said about Brooklyn applies here but in an even more happening part of the city (both a positive because it’s a sight to behold and a negative because it’s stressful) and at an arena that is, if not literally the world’s most famous arena, a legitimately iconic sports venue.

Accessibility: 5. Not only do you have full access to the New York City Subway, but you’re literally on top of Penn Station. You could hitch a train to three different states after the game if you really felt like it.

Team Quality: 4. Jalen Brunson is getting there, but what’s truly special likely is part of the fan experience there as well–those are fans who love their team. You know that line in “Walking in Memphis” where a woman asks the very Jewish Marc Cohn if he’s a Christian and he says “Ma’am I am tonight” because he’s so overwhelmed by the place that how could he not fully immerse himself? This is basketball fans at MSG.

Weather: 2. Like I said, at least subways are underground.

#4: Memphis Grizzlies

Arena/City: 5. For one weekend, an NBA arena that is literally on Beale Street? I realize that Memphis is relatively small for an NBA city and that the Grizzlies are intermittently bad, but how does this game not have a decades-long season ticket wait list like they’re the Green Bay Packers?

Accessibility: 5. You drive a little over four hours to get to Memphis, you park at a hotel that is hopefully not too far from the FedEx Forum, and you return to your car when you’re ready to head home. Simple enough.

Team Quality: 4. I think people have forgotten that these guys were quite good quite recently and mostly still have the team together. Yes, you’re betting on Ja Morant to make good decisions, but if he’s playing, he’s incredibly dynamic. And while I have my doubts about whether Zach Edey will be a good NBA player, I think he’s going to be an interesting NBA player.

Weather: 3. Although it is hardly a tropical getaway, it is pretty much due south of St. Louis by four hours, which speaks for itself as “better”.

#3: New Orleans Pelicans

Arena/City: 5. Bourbon Street is an absolute blast and it’s not too far from the (adequate if unexceptional) arena. I’m sure locals don’t have diets consisting exclusively of beignets, hurricanes, and po’boys (well, Zion might) but for a several-day trip, you will not tire of them.

Accessibility: 4. It’s a bit of a hike to the airport from the arena and is a bit of a drive even for Midwesterners stubborn enough to insist upon avoiding flying. But like I suggested earlier, the arena is within walking distance of Bourbon Street. You can go other places but why would you? Also, they have streetcars there. They made a whole play about it.

Team Quality: 4. They’re still a little more fun than good, but Zion Williamson when he’s on is an absolute treasure, and the addition of Dejounte Murray should make them even more offensively dynamic.

Weather: 4. The downside–it rains a fair amount. The upside–that means it doesn’t snow a lot.

#2: Los Angeles Lakers

Arena/City: 4. Obviously I’ve covered this city before, but in this case, the arena is much more in the center of things. LA is famously considered a city of several disjointed neighborhoods rather than being defined by one central identity, but if you’re going to pick one neighborhood, this is probably a good call, and if you’re going to define an identity, the Los Angeles Lakers are a pretty good one.

Accessibility: 3. Transit still kind of is what it is relative to the Clippers.

Team Quality: 5. I never saw Michael Jordan play. I never saw Kobe Bryant or Tim Duncan play. I could still see LeBron James play. Also Anthony Davis! Truthfully, they probably deserve a 6, but I’m deducting a point for Bronny.

Weather: 5. Did you know the guy who sings “It Never Rains in Southern California” has a son who is the rhythm guitarist for The Strokes and has been for like a quarter-century now? Kind of weird that the guy that made that song also produced such a quintessentially New York artist. Anyway, the Strokes are classic rock now and we are all extremely old.

#1: Golden State Warriors

Arena/City: 4. For the most part, San Francisco’s insane costs don’t matter all that much for a tourist, but it probably has robbed some of the city’s classic hippie spirit. But it’s still the place with the Golden Gate Bridge and reasonable proximity to other interesting places as well.

Accessibility: 4. The BART system is a pretty strong one because it can get you reasonably to Oakland or San Jose. They also have a decent shuttle system to get tourists to and from Napa Valley, if a day at the wineries is your type of thing.

Team Quality: 5. Quality might not be the right word anymore, but this is a team that has two future Hall of Famers, and one of them even deserves it! Steph Curry, despite frequent rumors to the contrary, is a very good shooter, arguably the greatest in NBA history, and he’s still close enough to peak performance that seeing him feels like as true of a bucket list achievement as it has ever been.

Weather: 5. San Francisco is such a weird city weather-wise–you will see fans at Giants games reasonably in light jackets in July but, like, that’s reasonable attire most of the time in January, too.