For several years, now-unemployed pitcher Bartolo Colon became a beloved figure in Baseball Twitter because, well, because he was fat. It seems pointless to argue that he was beloved for any other reason. Once a somewhat chubby but still relatively athletic looking Cy Young-level pitcher for the Cleveland Indians and then-Anaheim Angels, among others, Colon's…
The St. Louis Cardinals didn't sign Dexter Fowler to be a superstar. While a visceral reaction to a $16.5 million annual salary for half a decade sounds like a lot of money, this bill is commensurate with an average to slightly above average player. And in 2017, his first season with the Cardinals, Fowler fit…
On Wednesday, news broke that the St. Louis Cardinals had signed third baseman Matt Carpenter to a two-year extension. Carpenter, firmly a part of the Mount Rushmore of St. Louis Cardinals this decade, remaining in St. Louis through 2021 warranted a post, but truthfully, nobody seemed to have a strong opinion on the matter. It…
At one point when I was writing for Viva El Birdos, the SB Nation higher-ups provided a writing prompt that they hoped team site writers would answer: "Why did you become a fan of (fill in name of team)?" Some people had eloquent answers for the St. Louis Cardinals: beautiful stories about how watching the…
On September 29, 2017, the St. Louis Cardinals played and lost to the Milwaukee Brewers. The Cardinals, eliminated from postseason contention the night before, elected to sit Dexter Fowler for the game, but did play its three next best outfielders in the game. When the team played against the Colorado Rockies ten months and two…
There are 81 of these things. The first home game of the regular season for the St. Louis Cardinals doesn't count for any extra in the standings than the 22nd home game, nor the 54th home game, nor the 78th home game. Its impact is not what it is, but what it represents. 22% of…
The San Diego Padres lost 96 games in 2018, but they entered 2019 with a sense of genuine optimism. They signed, for a second consecutive off-season, one of the top two available free agent position players in Manny Machado, and also signed solid lottery ticket veterans Ian Kinsler and Garrett Richards (Kinsler is currently the…
On Sunday afternoon, with the St. Louis Cardinals clinging to a one-run lead in a game which would help equalize the season-opening four-game set against the Milwaukee Brewers, defending National League MVP Christian Yelich drove yet another in a long series of rockets into the outfield. The tying run easily scored, and while there was…
With baseball season starting, what better time to spend irrational amounts of money on merchandise? Well, you shouldn't, because buying baseball jerseys is an objectively stupid use of money, but if you're like me, you're probably going to do it anyway. Look, I've blown $100+ at casinos before; at least if I'm going to buy…
December 5, 2018 was a notably slow day at work for me. It was the kind of day where I sat at my computer and stared at my e-mail inbox. It wasn't that I had checked out from doing work--it was that work had checked out from me doing work. I was going to a…
St. Louis Bullpen 