The great thing about writing about the St. Louis Cardinals in the internet age is that any information I could reasonably need is at my fingertips. Writers may bemoan that they do not have access to all of MLB’s proprietary statistical data, but one can simply sidestep that conversation. There is information which is fundamental to St. Louis Cardinals analysis that, a generation ago, would not have been easily available–it existed, but at the very least I would have to get up from my chair and pick up a newspaper or an almanac or some sort of print media and obtain the information if I did not remember it off-hand.

In theory, there is no more fundamental bit of information to Cardinals analysis that the simple fact of who plays for the St. Louis Cardinals. And hey, there are literally billions of people in the world who cannot name a single member of the 2024 St. Louis Cardinals–if you’re reading this, you’re almost certainly in the top half of humanity in terms of Cardinals knowledge if you are aware that the St. Louis Cardinals play baseball. But I want to hold myself to a higher standard–I would never try to pretend that I have an exceptional capacity for baseball analysis, but I strive to have at least some knowledge. I think I’m an okay writer, but why would anybody read my uneducated riffing with all of the knowledge that exists in the world?

I am going to try to name the St. Louis Cardinals’ 40-man roster from memory. Now, I think the 40-man roster is full as a result of late offseason additions, but I’m not even positive of that! So let’s play along. I know that the 40-man as listed on team websites goes catchers, infielders, outfielders, and pitchers (wait, is there also a specific DH section? I’m going to guess not), so I’ll categorize by that, with each group bold/italicized/underlined. My initial commentary will be in this font; my list of players will be italicized; my follow-up commentary will be in bold. I’m not going to hold it against myself if I misidentify a player’s positional grouping.

Catchers

Okay, two of these guys are easy–Willson Contreras and Ivan Herrera (I make a point to put proper accent marks on players’ names and I know Herrera has one, but for this post I’m going to bypass it because looking up how it’s accented, a thing I do every time, might give me too much information). Contreras signed a free agent contract and Herrera was on the 40-man roster last year, and unlike Andrew Knizner, he wasn’t non-tendered because DEWALLET can still pay him league minimum. I believe there’s a third catcher on the expanded roster (it wouldn’t shock me if there’s a fourth, too, but I’m going to get back to that). I want to say it’s Pedro Pages, who has been around for a few years and I’m assuming needed to be put on the 40-man to avoid being Rule 5 Draft eligible. Willson Contreras, Ivan Herrera, Pedro Pages.

Catchers are Willson Contreras, Ivan Herrera, and Pedro Pages. 3-for-3. I am the greatest baseball analyst alive.

Infielders

Okay, Paul Goldschmidt and Nolan Arenado are the free spaces, the guys I’m quite certain even the most casual of Cardinals fan would know. My next-most confident is Masyn Winn, I say because some of the better infielders could be listed at other spots. Brandon Crawford signed a big-league deal, right? Pretty sure he did, and pretty sure Matt Carpenter (who might even be listed as a DH or even an outfielder) did too. There’s three others that are for sure on the 40-man that might be listed at other spots–Brendan Donovan, Nolan Gorman, and Tommy Edman, the latter of whom is projected as a center fielder for reasons which are beyond me. I know he’s hurt but he isn’t on the 60-day IL so he’s still on the expanded roster. Oh, Jose Fermin! I almost forgot about Jose Fermin! And…I think there’s another one? A guy they got off waivers or for a player to be named later or something. Arias? I’m going to put Joaquin Arias, which I know is not correct because that’s a different guy, but if Arias is correct, I’m giving myself partial credit. Okay, I’m back. Luken Baker! I remember Luken Baker! Nolan Arenado, Joaquin Arias, Luken Baker, Matt Carpenter, Brandon Crawford, Brendan Donovan, Tommy Edman, Jose Fermin, Paul Goldschmidt, Nolan Gorman, Masyn Winn

Arenado, Baker, Carpenter (though listed at DH), Crawford, Donovan, Edman, Fermin, Goldschmidt, Gorman, and Winn were correct. Joaquin Arias was incorrect; it turns out I meant Alfonso Rivas III. I also forgot about Jared Young. I hate it here.

Outfielders

Lars Nootbaar and Jordan Walker, easy. Dylan Carlson, also easy. Oh, Alec Burleson. I like that guy as much as pretty much anybody who is not the actual, active manager of the St. Louis Cardinals. Seems like a cool guy; also, I saw some pictures of his wife in the off-season and she looks a lot like a friend of a friend I know, so that’s uncanny, but none of you care about that. Maybe if you’re the friend. Hey, friends of mine reading this, look up Alec Burleson’s wife and see if you’re the one I’m talking about! There’s also Michael Siani, that guy they got from the Reds, who is on the 40-man roster, in contrast to Victor Scott II, who is not. I won’t lie, I have my reasons to question the Victor Scott II thing, but based on my inability to remember the lower reaches of this roster, needing to free up a spot isn’t one of those for me. I feel like there’s another one, but I’ll get back to it if I can’t think of enough pitchers. Okay I’m back and convinced my guy I’m missing is someone they got who used to play for San Francisco. I have no idea on the name. Alec Burleson, Dylan Carlson, Lars Nootbaar, San Francisco Guy, Michael Siani, Jordan Walker.

My five named outfielders were correct, but it turns out those were the only ones. The aforementioned Jared Young effectively takes the spot of San Francisco Guy. I correctly identified that there were twenty position players on the Cardinals and I got 18 of them correct. It is what it is.

Pitchers

I know they aren’t organized this way on the listed roster, but this is going to help me to think of starting pitchers first, or at least guys who could theoretically be starting pitchers: Sonny Gray, Miles Mikolas, Steven Matz, Lance Lynn, Kyle Gibson are the top guys, and I’ll reference Matthew Liberatore and Zack(could be with an H?) Thompson too. Drew Rom also, though my hope is they can avoid that. I know Tink Hence isn’t on the expanded roster and I don’t think Gordon Graceffo and Michael McGreevy have reached that point yet. Tekoah Roby? I think so? Yeah, let’s add him too. Okay, let’s venture into relievers. Ryan Helsley, Giovanny Gallegos, JoJo Romero, Andrew Kitteridge to start. Nick Robertson, the guy from the Tyler O’Neill trade, him too. I need another lefty…John King! Man, after last season there’s so many guys I like only kinda know. Oh, Andre Pallante, why do I always forget about him despite pitching all the time? Middleton! That’s the free agent reliever they signed–I keep wanting to type out Kenyan but I believe it’s Keynan? Hey, can anyone tell I don’t pay attention to the bullpen as much as the other positions?

All right, all right, I’m up to 37 guys. That’s definitely not right. There’s another guy–Adam…Kloppenstein? Yeah, let’s go with that. I feel like there’s an F in there but I’m almost positive I’m conflating him with former St. Louis Rams tight end Joel Klopfenstein. Let’s hope this guy is better than that guy. Oh, that one guy they got from Texas(? Maybe Baltimore?), Sem Robberse? I think he’s on the 40-man too. Packy Naughton, is he there? Did he clear waivers? Maybe but I have to guess something! Giovanny Gallegos, Kyle Gibson, Sonny Gray, Ryan Helsley, John King, Andrew Kitteridge, Adam Kloppenstein, Matthew Liberatore, Lance Lynn, Steven Matz, Keynan Middleton, Miles Mikolas, Packy Naughton, Andre Pallante, Sem Robberse, Nick Robertson, Tekoah Roby, Drew Rom, JoJo Romero, Zack Thompson

So I screwed up the spelling of two names, though I was functionally correct: it’s Andrew Kittredge and Adam Kloffenstein. Two other guys I just straight up missed–it turns out that Packy Naughton, though still in the Cardinals organization, did clear through waivers (as I suspected) and that Tekoah Roby is not yet on the 40-man roster. The two guys I missed were Ryan Fernandez and Riley O’Brien.

Comes back from entering the bold commentary above

Is 36 out of 40 good? I have no idea. Not one clue. It probably isn’t great that I can’t spell two guys, one of whom is a mortal lock to make the final roster, but when I was in sixth grade, writing for my grade school class newspaper, I once wrote an entire article about Kevin Harvick’s historically close victory in a NASCAR race in which I repeatedly called him “Todd Harvick”. Where did I get Todd from? It turns out nobody cared, for many reasons, but that’s what things were like before the internet was everywhere. And that was in 2001–the internet very much existed. We had dial-up internet at my house. But today, we have instant access to everything. Times were simpler back then, and frankly, they were worse. God bless Baseball Reference dot com.