Happy Independence Day, fine St. Louis Bullpen readers! It is a federal holiday and most of you probably got the day off work today, and as such, Major League Baseball scheduled a ton of games during the day. It’s like a Sunday, so games were played earlier than normal. Excecpt, for some reason, in Arizona, where the game between the St. Louis Cardinals and Arizona Diamondbacks started half an hour later than the typical Arizona game. MLB tends to schedule under the assumption that they are the NFL and that a sizable chunk of baseball fans are going to want to watch every single game on the schedule rather than “there’s 162 of these stupid things a season, maybe I’ll just concentrate on the one team and if I miss some Marlins/Phillies game or whatever in the middle of the season, then so be it”. Anyway, weekday postseason games are an abomination and they happen for the same reason.

Here were tonight’s lineups.

Here are things that happened.

• Matt Carpenter led the game off with a double. This is a thing he does sometimes. I find it pretty enjoyable. Less enjoyable is the Cardinals recording three consecutive outs, which is a thing that also happens somewhat often.
• Things looked less than ideal for Miles Mikolas to lead off the game, as Jon Jay reached on a single and Paul Goldschmidt drew a walk, putting runners on first and second with nobody out. Jake Lamb and David Peralta, thankfully, made quiet outs–Lamb popping up and Peralta striking out–which meant Old Friend Daniel Descalso had the chance to be a hero. He wasn’t the hero but he did draw a walk, which is a bit weird because this is Miles Mikolas we’re talking about. His whole thing for most of the season has been not walking guys and he walked two in one inning. Ketel Marte put the ball in play, but it was hit directly to Yairo Munoz to end the inning quietly.
• Yadier Molina led off the top of the second inning by grounding out so quickly I wasn’t even paying attention to the game yet coming off the commercial break.
• In the top of the third, Dan McLaughling is talking about the hot dog eating contest. Honestly, the hot dog eating contest is getting a little played out to me. Make this an endurance thing. Make the contest six hours long and see if people can put down, like, a thousand hot dogs. How much more dangerous are we really making things?
• The Cardinals threatened in the top of the third–Miles Mikolas singled, Matt Carpenter walked, and the runners on first and second became runners on second and third via the next two outs (not exactly worth the cost, but hey, consolation prizes!). Anyway, no runs scored and this game needs to hurry up.
• Harrison Bader got a double in the top of the fourth. It was fine. Dan McLaughlin definitely thought he was going to turn it into a triple, which he did not come close to doing.
• Miles Mikolas is a famously quick worker but he has tried to pick Jarrod Dyson off first base approximately ten billion times and I’m going to get so cranky about this.
• Jon Jay got a slap hit which probably should’ve directly scored Jarrod Dyson from second base, but Dyson slipped rounding third base. Marcell Ozuna threw the ball to Matt Carpenter, and on the throw, Jon Jay began to advance to second base. Carpenter airmailed the throw into the outfield–Dyson scored and Jay advanced to second. Of all the baseball players I have ever seen, that was certainly one of them.
• Following an intentional walk to Paul Goldschmidt, Jake Lamb singled to center field to score Jay. 2-0 Diamondbacks.
• Top of the fifth, Matt Carpenter double. A day in tihe life.
• Tommy Pham double! A run scores, and it’s 2-1 Diamondbacks, and things are looking a little bit less bleak.
• Yairo Munoz random bomb! 2-2 game in the top of the seventh. And then Tyler O’Neill followed that up with a pinch-hit reached-on-error after a Ketel Marte error.
• Hey, remember back when Tommy Pham was outright bad at hitting? Well, he’s not that it turns out. O’Neill, who had advanced to second on a Matt Carpenter ground out, scored on a Tommy Pham single. Jarrod Dyson suffered an injury of some yet-to-be-determined sort retriving the ball, and he was replaced by vastly superior player A.J. Pollock, which is so unfair.
• Yadier Molina with a three run home run! 6-2! Cheap drinks! Dinger party tonight! Dinger party tonight!
• Greg Holland is looking a bit concerning. He walked the first batter he faced on five pitches and he looked slightly wild to David Peralta before surrending a single to put runners on first and second. In comes Jordan Hicks.
• Daniel Descalso grounded to first base, but a throwing error by Matt Carpenter (who now has throwing errors on both corners in this game) allowed Jake Lamb to score, David Peralta to advance to third, and Descalso to reach first. Mercifully, the next batter, Ketel Marte, grounded into a double play–it scored a run, but it cleared the bases. Following an A.J. Pollock hit-by-pitch, Jeff Mathis struck out. It’s 6-4 Cardinals.
• Harrison Bader led off the eighth with a single, and Yairo Munoz was hit by a pitch, so insurance runs are on the table. Kolten Wong bunted, a thing I’d normally hate except that Wong has struggled a lot this year at the plate and the next guy up, Matt Carpenter, is an unstoppable hitting machine.
• Anyway, like I said. Matt Carpenter got a single, Bader scored, runners on the corners with one out.
• Lol Tommy Pham keeps on doing it. Three hits, three RBI. Runners on second and third with Munoz scoring. Also, Matt Carpenter is limping a little bit at third base. He’s staying in the game, so I fully expect him to have a leg amputated tomorrow.
• It’s 8-4 Cardinals, two runners in scoring position, and Jordan Hicks is batting. This is very stupid. Hicks struck out, Ozuna flew out, and the game stayed at 8-4. This game should consider ending eventually.
• Bottom of the 8th went down 1-2-3. Good for the Cardinals–great for my getting to sleep.
• Jon Jay made a sliding catch in foul territory. Jon Jay owns, I don’t care I don’t care.
• Bud Norris came out on the bullpen cart again. Good.
• First two batters were retired and, to quote Dan McLaughlin, “the Diamondbacks’ hopes depend on Daniel Descalso.” So that’s where we’re at.
• Bud Norris might be hurt. Or maybe this game was created to make me late for work tomorrow. The latter certainly explains a lot.
• Descalso walked but mercifully Marte, my personal hero, grounded out. Whoever decided to start this game so late should be arrested.