It’s always hard to watch the Giants and not feel my some amount of subtle rage and or envy. How can I  shake the memory of ole Jake Westbrook getting an L for going 6.2 innings against the Giants in 2013, only allowing one unearned run and the Cardinals still losing 1-0.

Uh, well anyway, back in present day, the Cardinals are sending out Luke Weaver. He’s coming off a complete shellacking at the hands of the Braves, in which he gave up eight earned. Johnny Cueto gets the ball for the Giants, he’s making his first start since April 28th He’s only allowed three runs through five starts. And as for me? I’m coming off an 11-3 loss to the Brewers in my previous  recap. My friend and I will have three orders of Cinnimos from the local St. Louis pizza company to get us through the game.

Gyorko will be at third, Carpenter at first, Bader in right, and Yadi will be batting in the three hole.

First Inning

Matt Carpenter skillfully works a lead off walk. Pham tattoos a line drive single up the middle. Yadier dabbles in groundball trickery with a single through the left side of the infield.  Marcell here with the bases loaded nubs one to Cueto who tags Ozuna who stops in tracks so Carpenter can score a run. With two runners on, Gyorko takes a hack at a 3-0 fastball and hits a no doubter to the opposite field to clear the wall. But definitely not a splash-down into Mays, I mean McGee, I mean McCovey Cove. Yairo shows some pop with a loud fly out, Wong gets a base hit, and  gets thrown out trying to steal on a passed ball.

4-0 Cardinals

Alan Hanson who I may or may not have heard of is retired. Posey and McCutchen both are retired as well. You gotta love handing the struggling Luke Weaver a lead so early.

Second Inning

Bader flies out here. Nothing funny or interesting. Luke Weaver ground out. Meanwhile, a certain former catcher for the Cardinals is announcing a certain broadcast in which I am listening to. He’s saying all sorts of stuff with a kind of Don Knotts inflection that really grates on my soul as I try to focus on the game at hand and LOOK AT THAT, Matt Carpenter crushes one into the deepest part of the park for his sixteenth bomb of the year. You will NEVER see that ball again.  Pham strikes out. That’s okay, umpires are sometimes wrong and sometimes right on strike calls.

5-0 Cardinals

Brandon belt flies out, Brandon Crawford flies out. Sandoval takes a big cut but doesn’t hit anything and Luke strikes out his first batter of the night. Twenty two pithes from the Cardinals starter who is good through two.

Third Inning

Molina returns to dabbling in groundballery but this time Crawford scoops it up and he’s out. Ozuna launches one off the wall, despite an apparent Andrew McCutcheon deke out in right. Ozuna rolls into second for a double. Jedd Gyorko waves at one for a strikeout and Yairo grounds out. That’s okay I am still feeling good about this game and my experience is all that matters. My friend’s dad reminds me it’s early. Ugh, whatever man.

Joe Panik flies out, and Gorkys (in my mind the Giants antithesis to Gyorko) strikes out on a Weaver heater. Cueto strikes out, too. For all of you Sabremetric fans, Luke Weaver’s earned run average is now below five. He is currently dealing.

Fourth Inning

Wong gets out somehow, and then Bader pounds a groundball double down the line. Weaver then pounds a ground ball back at Cueto which deflects, and Weaver squeaks his way into a infield single. Carpenter and Pham fail to extend the Cardinals lead.

Alan Hanson flies out to Bader. Gyorko makes a Cy Young play on a ground ball to retire Buster “Less-Homers-Than-Yadi-By-A-Lot” Posey. Cutch flies out deep but that’s another 1-2-3 inning. 42 basesballs thrown for Weaver through 4.

Fifth Inning

Molina scoots a single into the outfield, changing up his methodology of hitting getting some air. Ozuna quickly snuffs that out with a double play, but Gyorko walks, and Muñoz (who presumably is starting to feel the impending Dejongening), slaps a single off the second baseman’s glove. Wong can’t cash in and the Cards leave ’em stranded.

Both Brandons flyout to Bader. Good way to start your inning. Ok Sandoval is coming up and he is just ready to cause some trouble. He fouls off pitch after pitch, and then on a 2-2 pitch takes a ball and trots down to first as if he was walked. Everyone was confused what the count was and it took a while to get Sandoval to return to the plate, so Weaver throws a warm up pitch or two. The grand finale of this Weaver-Sandoval conflict comes on pitch twelve and PABLO STRIKES OUT SWINGNING on a curveball! Cardinals baseball!!!

Sixth Inning

Ty Blach comes into the game for the Giants and is quickly greeted by Harrison Bader baseball: a slow roller to Crawford just under his hand, obviously intimidating the Giants shortstop with his speed. Weaver bunts Bader to second, and then Carpenter walks. Pham delivers this time with a single the opposite way. Bader scores and looks sick while doing it. Molina strikes out but that’s okay, you’ll swing and miss sometimes in this league. Ozuna bats another run in with a single up the middle. I hope Luke is doing well on the bench during all of this chaos and anarchy the Cardinals offense is unleashing. GYORKO (have you heard he’s the best fastball hitter in the league) hits a two run double, and that will chase Ty Blache out of the game. Derek Holland proceeds to strike out Yairo on three pitches which I thoroughly appreciate, considering in theory Luke Weaver is attempting a perfect game. With a substantial lead and a pitcher who is throwing a no-hitter, everyone knows all batters on the winning team should get out as quickly as possible.

9-0 Cardinals

Panik starts things off and flies out. Ah  yes, well speaking of a theoretical perfect game, here’s Jedd Gyorko diving out to make a play on a grounder. He gets to it, but as  he springs up to make a throw he loses the ball. It appears Gorkys has bamboozled Gyorko. Pence pinch hits  and strikes out. “This is supposed to be civilized society [referring to jinxing perfect games] . This is not the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae.” What am I even listening to? I mean I’m allowed to  say strange things here on this site, but there is usually a baseball reason, or even poetic reason for my choices which I generally stand by. My intention or purpose in recapping I know is not to harp too much on the deficiencies of other people covering the game, but as a fan who may be reading this and missed the game, I can’t NOT tell you about the antics of a theoretical broadcaster covering the game. I think he made that quote in defense of his perpetual mentioning of the fact that a perfect game was going on in the SIXTH inning. I don’t think he or anything else jinxed anything, but for the amount of times he was mentioning it in such absurd fashionmso early in the game, I can’t help but but be stupefied. I’m still wonder how he got to discussing the Battle of Thermopylae

Oh right back to the game. Well of course things get worse and Alan Hanson hits a two-run homer off of Weaver, ruining even the hope of a shutout.

9-2 Cardinals

Seventh Inning

Wong slaps a base hit. At this point, I am back on the, “let’s pour on some more runs” train, despite the “save some for tomorrow” camp. I,  and the entirety of Cardinal nation, am promptly rewarded with a Harrison Bader bomb to center. Weaver strikes out. I’m not pissed about that. Carpenter strikes out. I’m not pissed about that either because he’s not struggling. Pham strikes out on a called strike, but he’s 2-5 so far and hitting well so I’m not pissed about that really either.

11-2 Cardinals

Austin Jackson is in for Cutch in right, he’s retired. Belt flies out. Derek Holland is batting which is funny and he strikes out as well. Will we see position players pitching later? Weaver continues on.

Eighth Inning

Yadi with a base hit to lead things off. Dexter comes in to get his first at-bat post paternity/Mozeliak betrayal. He strikes out from the right side. Gyorko, however, continues his Thursday night terror with a single. Muñoz and Wong are both retired and the Cardinals strand a few more, but I’m not pissed.

Sandoval flies out. Panik Grounds out. Luke exacts merciless revenge on Gorkys for ruining his perfect game with a strike out. One more inning of this stuff left.

Ninth Inning

Bader strikes out, failing to hit a triple in pursuit of the completely arbitrary cycle. That’s another absurd pipe dream we can throw out the window. Nothing else happened. So if you’re a Cardinals fan who tuned in for a perfect game or a cycle, I guess you’re going to bed pissed.

Brett Cecil comes in and retires three nondescript Giants batters and you can put that one in the win column.


  • Luke Weaver has one of his best starts of the year. Through eight innings, he gave up two runs on two hits, struck out seven and walked no one.
  • The Cards tallied 18 hits. Molina, Gyorko, and Bader all had three hits. Pham, Ozuna, and Wong had two.
  • Gyorko really dazzled with five RBIs, but will he be remembered for not making a play to keep the perfect game alive? Of course not, and that’s good it was only the sixth inning for cryin’ out loud.

Cards go again against the Giants, late tomorrow night. Gant vs. Son of Pudge at 9:15 CENTRAL.

2 thoughts on “7/5/18 Recap: Cardinals Denigrate Giants 11-2

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